The Mospheirans

Episode 20

The scene--the living room of the Average Mospheiran apartment. A tray with a pot of tea and some wafers is on the low table. Miss Mospheiran and Angie are seated, munching on wafers and looking through a copy of Modern Felicity.

Angie: "I wish President Tyers dressed as nicely as Tabini does. Everyone’s so worried about atevi catching up to our technology, but nobody seems worried about style. Absolutely nothing at the mall is as excellent as what they wear in the Bu-javid."

Miss Mospheiran: "If you want a job done well. That’s what my mom always says."

Angie: "Yeah, well, our stuff is popular on the station--with atevi. And that’s only because your brother is making it up there, so it’s cheaper--if they had a choice, they’d buy their stuff from Shejidan. Not too many people here want to buy it, that’s for sure."

Miss Mospheiran: "We need some advertising. We need somebody in the public eye to wear our designs."

Angie: "President Tyers is sure in the public eye! And once we solve this case for him, he owes us pretty big."

Miss Mospheiran: (sighs) "We’re not even close to doing that. There’s no sign of that letter--it’s like it vanished without a trace. He won’t owe us anything if we can’t find it."

Angie: "You don’t think Jack’s murder is connected?"

Miss Mospheiran: "It might be. It’s funny, the way the Bakeoff keeps turning up, isn’t it."

Angie: "Do you think Mrs. Tyers did it?"

Miss Mospheiran: "Not really. I’m not sure why I think that, though. Her being at the scene that afternoon looks pretty bad. And taking the scroll out of the safe had to be an inside job."

Angie: "But President Tyers said only he knew the combination to the safe."

Miss Mospheiran: "If that’s true, then either the scroll never made it into the safe to begin with, or it’s still there. And he swears it’s not still there."

Miss Mospheiran and Angie are thoughtfully silent for a few moments.

Angie: "Is your mom working tonight?"

Miss Mospheiran: "Yeah. Another meeting."

Angie: "What about your dad?"

Miss Mospheiran: "He’s on some errand for my brother’s friend Bob."

Angie: "Not Cousin Ted again?"

Miss Mospheiran: (laughs) "Cousin Ted again. They got a good deal on the tomatoes, I heard, and now they’re after his onions."

Angie: "He won’t be back for supper, then. Let’s order a pizza."

Miss Mospheiran rises and exits towards the kitchen. A moment later, she sticks her head out the kitchen door, phone to one ear.

Miss Mospheiran: "Shejidan style supreme?"

Angie: "Extra fish sauce!"

Miss Mospheiran: (into the phone) "Shejidan style supreme, extra fish sauce."

Miss Mospheiran ducks back into the kitchen. A few moments later, she re-enters the living room. We hear a knock at the front door.

Angie: "That was quick!"

Miss Mospheiran opens the door. Mrs. Tyers enters.

Mrs. Tyers: "I’m sorry to bother you like this, but I really need your help."

Miss Mospheiran: "In a matter of extreme international importance and urgency?"

Mrs. Tyers: "No, not international. Just personal."

Angie: "I’ll get another cup."

Angie rises and exits towards the kitchen.

Miss Mospheiran: "Please have a seat, Mrs. Tyers, and tell me what your problem is."

Mrs. Tyers: (laughs) "That would take all night! I’ll just tell you about the part I think you can help me with."

Miss Mospheiran laughs. Angie enters from the kitchen with a cup, pours Mrs. Tyers some tea, and hands it to her.

Mrs. Tyers: "Thank you. It’s really very embarrassing. I’m not sure where to start."

Miss Mospheiran: "How about with the Harbor Foods Bakeoff?"

Mrs. Tyers: "You are good. Or does everyone know?"

Miss Mospheiran: "I don’t think everyone knows."

Mrs. Tyers: "Well, that’s a relief. You know, then, that I’m not actually the person who developed the recipe for Delightful Damighindi Muffins. Really, I don’t care that much about food. I mean, I like eating, just like everyone else, but I don’t have the same enthusiasm for it that my husband does."

Angie: "I don’t see how that’s a problem, though. Lots of contestants in the bakeoff are actually entering for someone else."

Mrs. Tyers: "No way!"

Miss Mospheiran: "Yes way."

Angie: "Oh, my God!"

Miss Mospheiran: "What?"

Angie: "I just spilled tea all over this afghan!"

Miss Mospheiran: "Don’t worry, it’s that yarn from the station. It’ll rinse right out."

Miss Mospheiran removes the afghan, and Angie and Miss Mospheiran settle into their seats again.

Miss Mospheiran: "So. You were telling us about the bakeoff."

Mrs. Tyers: "I don’t mind doing it for him, I know it’s important to him. And he’s saved me a few times--every time I have to host a dinner party, in fact. Which I’ve had to do a lot just for my own career, before he ever got into politics. Now we just get a caterer in, of course. But he still picks my clothes. I never cared one way or the other about what I wore, but these days I’m so much in the public eye. But that’s not what I came to see you about."

Miss Mospheiran: "What did you come to see me about?"

Mrs. Tyers: "This."

Mrs. Tyers holds up a scroll case.

Miss Mospheiran: "That’s a very nice scroll case. Where did you get it?"

Mrs. Tyers: (sighs) "From my husband’s briefcase."

Miss Mospheiran: "So what’s the problem?"

Mrs. Tyers: "I don’t know what it is exactly, but I know it’s important. He’s been very worried this past week or so, and I’m sure this must be why."

Miss Mospheiran: "Do you go through the president’s briefcase very often, Mrs. Tyers?"

Mrs. Tyers: "I know what it must look like, but really it’s not like that at all. You see, there are some very important dinners coming up. I have to place the order with the caterer, and usually that’s pretty simple. The caterers are very good, they just give me a menu and I rubber-stamp it. But sometimes it can be tricky. One of Shawn’s biggest supporters just adores shellfish. But several others are allergic. So you see, I have to see the guest list. But Shawn insists on classifying that information. For security reasons, he says."

Angie: "Well, I feel safer knowing that the Alien Menace we’re waiting for doesn’t know who the president eats with."

Mrs. Tyers: (laughs) "Well, anyway, it was mixed in with a stack of papers that had the information I wanted, and by the time I realized it was there, it was too late to put it back."

Miss Mospheiran: "So you have the combination to his safe?"

Mrs. Tyers: "Oh, sure I do. He did change the lock awhile ago, but he never could remember the new combination and kept calling the locksmith complaining that it didn’t work right, so I had the old one put back in. He never noticed."

Miss Mospheiran: "So why are you coming to us about this?"

Mrs. Tyers: "Because he’s been to you about it. It was in his appointment book--"3:00pm Visit Miss Mospheiran, Re: Missing Scroll Case--wear mask." And it can’t just turn back up in his briefcase like it was always there, can it?"

Miss Mospheiran: "The night you took it out--has he worn that jacket since then?"

Mrs. Tyers: "I don’t think he has."

Miss Mospheiran: "Well then, problem solved."

Mrs. Tyers: "How can I ever thank you?"

Angie: "What are you wearing to the soccer nationals?"

Mrs. Tyers: "Whatever you want me to, I guess. Within reason, of course."

Miss Mospheiran: "You’ll love it."

Angie: "I’ll get the tape measure."

Mrs. Tyers: "I don’t think I want to strip right here in the living room."

Miss Mospheiran: "No, of course not. The bathroom is right this way."

Miss Mospheiran, Angie, and Mrs. Tyers exit towards the hallway.