The Mospheirans

Episode 3

The scene--the kitchen of the Average Mospheiran home. Master Mospheiran and Mr. Mospheiran sit at opposite ends of the table, a stack of papers and magazines between them. Both look stiff and awkward. Mr. Mospheiran clears his throat.

Mr. Mospheiran: "Son, I guess I should have had this talk with you a while ago. I’ve always wanted you to have a healthy outlook on...things, and...well, when you get to a certain age, you start to have these feelings. And they’re perfectly natural. There’s nothing wrong with them. I know they can be kind of confusing sometimes."

Master Mospheiran: "Dad, I---"

Mr. Mospheiran: "It’s okay, son, it’s perfectly normal. You see, when a man loves a woman--"

Master Mospheiran: "--or sometimes a man."

Mr. Mospheiran: (blinks a few times in startlement) "You...you don’t....I mean...."

Master Mospheiran: "No, I don’t. But some people do."

Mr. Mospheiran: "Yes, some people do, and that’s--" (looks momentarily as though he’s choking on something) "--that’s perfectly natural too."

Master Mospheiran: "And sometimes a woman loves a woman."

Mr. Mospheiran: "How does tea sound? I should have made some tea."

Master Mospheiran: "Tea sounds great, thanks, Dad."

Mr. Mospheiran gets up, puts a water in the kettle and the kettle on the stove, gets the pot out and puts tea in. He sits back down.

Master Mospheiran: "Dad, I...I kind of wish you hadn’t gone through my room."

Mr. Mospheiran: "I’m sorry, Son. It’s not that I was looking for anything. For anything bad, I mean."

Master Mospheiran: "Then what were you looking for?"

Mr. Mospheiran: "I was looking for a video game."

Master Mospheiran: "For a what?"

Mr. Mospheiran: "I was looking for your copy of Alien Menace 3."

Master Mospheiran: "No way!"

Mr. Mospheiran: "Yes way."

Master Mospheiran: "Oh my God! You could have just asked."

Mr. Mospheiran: "You were at school. So was your sister, and your mother was at work. And I had some time, and I thought I’d see if I could get past level 14, so--"

Master Mospheiran: "Level 14! I’m only at level 10!"

Mr. Mospheiran: (looking pleased with himself) "Well, either you have it or you don’t."

Master Mospheiran laughs. They both remain awkwardly silent until the kettle whistles. Mr. Mospheiran gets up, pours the water into the pot, and gets down two cups. He puts cups and pot on the table and sits down.

Mr. Mospheiran: "So, like I was saying. When you have these feelings--"

Master Mospheiran: "Dad--"

Mr. Mospheiran: "No, let me finish. When you have these feelings, sometimes you think you’re thinking straight, but you’re not."

Master Mospheiran: "Dad, I got those things from the University library. They’re for studying."

Mr. Mospheiran: "Studying. Right. So this..." (opens a magazine randomly, looks at the page, and blushes) "...this is, what, for what class?"

Master Mospheiran: "It’s art. You know."

Mr. Mospheiran: "Ah, I see. Art. Well, it’s certainly....appealing."

Master Mospheiran: (fervently) "Yes, it is."

Mr. Mospheiran: "Son, there’s nothing wrong with looking at--" (turns a page, raises his eyebrows) "--pictures. That’s not what this is about."

Master Mospheiran: "Then what is it about?"

Mr. Mospheiran: "I want you to be happy. I want you to be whatever it is you want to be. If you want to go into Foreign Studies, if that’s what will make you happy, then that’s great. But I think you should consider just why you’re going into it. If this--" (gestures towards the stack of magazines) "--is why you’re doing it, you need to think more realistically. Only one person in the whole world will come out of Foreign Studies and go live on the mainland. And the way things are now, we don’t even know how the next paidhi will be chosen, or if there will even be one. You’ll probably end up in some cubicle in the Foreign Office. Which is fine, if that’s the job that will make you happy. But if your whole reason for going into it is to meet beautiful atevi women, well...your chances are pretty slim."

Master Mospheiran: "I could work on the station."

Mr. Mospheiran: "The station is very strictly segregated. And I read just the other day that if you even meet an ateva, you’re only allowed to say a few things, like ‘please go’ or ‘please come’ or ‘please stop.’ "

Master Mospheiran: "I think that’d just about cover it, don’t you?"

Mr. Mospheiran: "That’s not the point. The point is, getting laid isn’t an appropriate life goal."

Silence as Master Mospheiran considers this idea.

Master Mospheiran: "I know you’re right, Dad, but I just don’t really know what I want to do, and this is at least something."

Mr. Mospheiran: "There’s no rush. Take some time. Take a few classes that interest you, look around. Try some different things. What the hell, see if you can’t work on the station for a year or two. But don’t make important decisions that will affect your whole life just because of a pretty..." (looks over at the stack of magazines) "...face."

Master Mospheiran: "Okay, Dad."

Mr. Mospheiran pours two cups of tea. Master Mospheiran picks one up and takes a sip.

Master Mospheiran: "Dad, there’s something bugging me that I really want to ask you about."

Mr. Mospheiran: "Go ahead, Son."

Master Mospheiran: "How did you get past the force field around the Alien Base?"

Mr. Mospheiran: "Well, a man’s got to have some secrets. Hey, I noticed it has a multi-player mode. What do you say we try it out?"

Master Mospheiran: "Cool!"

They pick up their cups and exit the kitchen, leaving the teapot to cool on the table.