Episode 5
The scene--a table at a University cafeteria. Master Mospheiran and a classmate, Bob, are eating lunch.
Master Mospheiran: "You mean you’re taking advanced math classes just for the heck of it?"
Bob: (shrugs) "Sure. Nothing else has worked out very well so far, I might as well try this."
Master Mospheiran: "What else have you tried?"
Bob: "Oh, lots of things. See, when I got out of high school, everybody figured I was too dumb to go to University. So I started looking around for a job. My mom has this friend who started this really swanky restaurant, one of those places that doesn’t even have prices on the menu, you know? So she got me this job clearing tables. It wasn’t too bad, and I got part of the tips, and the food was great. And everybody said that if I did a good job, I could move up, be a waiter or even a cook. It seemed pretty cool."
Master Mospheiran: "So what happened?"
Bob: "Well, one night they were really short-handed in the kitchen. And there was this really important table, everything had to be even more perfect than usual. So the chef says to me, "Look, take these plates, and take the berry puree in the cooler over there, and put a spoonful on each plate, you know, cover the bottom of the plate with the puree." Well, that was easy. And then I was supposed to put one dessert on each plate. They were really beautiful, little cheesecake things with these real delicate burned sugar things on the top. I knew the kitchen had worked really hard on them, and so I was really careful. I got the sauce out of the cooler, and put it on the plates, and put the desserts on the plates, very carefully, just like I’d seen them do before. And the wait staff served them."
Master Mospheiran: "So what was the problem?"
Bob: "Well, the berry sauce was red, of course. How was I supposed to know there was tomato sauce in the cooler too?"
Master Mospheiran: "No way!"
Bob: "Yes way."
Master Mospheiran: "Oh my God! Did somebody actually eat it?"
Bob: "Try President Tyers."
Master Mospheiran: "I guess that didn’t go over too well."
Bob: "Nope. So then my dad hooked me up with a land surveying firm. You know anything about surveying?"
Master Mospheiran: "Not a thing."
Bob: "Well, they use this instrument, it shoots a beam of light at a mirror, and it can tell how far away the instrument is from the mirror, right? But you have to have a clear shot. So if you’re in the woods or something, you have to cut the leaves and stuff out of the way so the light can get to the mirror. So we’re out on this job, in the woods, and the crew chief, he says to me, "cut me a line from the instrument to the rod over there," and he hands me a machete."
Master Mospheiran: "And this job was supposed to be safer than the restaurant?"
Bob: "If my dad had known about the machete, he’d never have even mentioned the job to me. Anyway, I start cutting. It was kind of fun, you know, very satisfying. Swing the blade hard, and thwack! the path was clear for a step or so. I was really getting into it. So this flying insect lands on my other hand. You know, one of those big green things."
Master Mospheiran: "Ouch! Those things have a nasty bite!"
Bob: "Yeah, they do. And I really wasn’t thinking. My first instinct was to brush it off my hand. I’m getting another SunDrink. You want one?"
Master Mospheiran: "Yeah, thanks."
Bob gets up, grabs both cups, comes back a few moments later with refills.
Master Mospheiran: "So is that where you got that scar?"
Bob: "Yeah. I didn’t work at all for awhile after that."
Master Mospheiran: (laughing) "You’re a danger to yourself, is what you are."
Bob: "That’s what my dad said. My mom said, "Son, the good Lord went to the trouble of making you, surely He had something in mind." And my dad said, "He’d have been better off keeping His mind on the matter at hand."
Master Mospheiran: (laughs again) "I think the University is the only safe place for you."
Bob picks up a paper packet out of a holder on the table and opens it.
Bob: "I don’t know. I keep wondering when I’m going to screw up and burn a lecture hall down or something."
Master Mospheiran: "Bob, you’re about to put sugar on your fries."
Bob: "Oh! Thanks." (puts the packet down)
Master Mospheiran: "No problem. So what did you do after your hand healed up?"
Bob: "This one cousin of mine has a little auto repair shop, and he said he’d take me on. He showed me how to do oil changes and stuff, and it was okay. Then one day he told me to take a fitting off the steering column of this one car. It was on pretty tight. So I thought I’d use a hammer to kind of encourage it to come loose."
Master Mospheiran: "I’m afraid to ask what happened next."
Bob: "Airbag."
The two eat in silence for a few moments.
Bob: "So why are you taking advanced math classes?"
Master Mospheiran: "I have no idea what to do with my life and I think the paidhi’s bodyguard is totally hot."
Bob: "Sounds good to me."
Master Mospheiran: "Actually, I’ve been thinking about applying to work on the station."
Bob: "The station, huh? That could be cool." (looks at his watch) "Oh, damn! I’m late."
Bob grabs his trash and throws it in the can, then grabs his drink.
Master Mospheiran: "Uh, Bob, maybe you don’t want to hold your drink that way. By the lid, I mean."
Bob: (changing his grip on the cup) "Oh, you’re right. Thanks."
Master Mospheiran: "No problem."
Bob and Master Mospheiran head for the cafeteria exit.
Bob: "So then I got this idea about driving a cheesecake truck. ‘Cause I figured at the end of the day, I could take some of the leftover cheesecakes home, and I love cheesecake....."
They exit the cafeteria, leaving the other students to finish their lunches.